Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Pirate Advice for a certain airlines



Pirate ships are kept ship-shape for a reason. Fouled lines and broken stays can injure the crew, damage the ship, and prevent the ship from sailing. More importantly, a messy ill-kept ship tells the crew that the skipper is not to be trusted. A poorly maintained ship tells a tale of a distracted skipper who does not respect or value the crew or the ship. This is something corporations and companies should learn.

I recently boarded a plane that was far from ship-shape for a flight back to Denver. The issues started before I even was able to follow the call to board based on some random selection pattern. I had a transfer in Minneapolis and asked the agents at the gate about my transfer time. First they instructed me to stand behind the large tall desk so that they could peer over it at me. Next they told me that the 35 minute transfer time was industry standard. Further, they had NO idea where in the airport I would land or where the next gate was. And finally, I had to argue about my small carry-on that they wanted to take from me, even though I had a quick transfer.

The flight was fine, though the air pressure was off and all the babies on the flight...and some of the adults...were crying from ear pain. I asked a flight attendant if she knew where I would head next, and she told me no, but not to worry, our flight was 1/2 hour early! Odd, the flight was only a little over an hour long. Clearly we had not flown there in half the time.

 I made it to Minneapolis, on time and NOT early, figured out the gate configuration and trotted through the airport, arriving at my gate as the plane was boarding. Woe to those slow walkers who fly this airlines. Finally, I was boarding my flight back to Denver. And what did I see?  There was a broken seat marked off with yellow tape. The seat behind it was also blocked off, but the seats next to it were in use. I watched someone climb over the yellow tape to get to a seat...he did not look confident or content or relaxed.

When I got to my seat my light did not work, nor did the air vent. The audio was broken so that I could hear the first few words the pilot or attendants said, but all the rest was lost in garbled noise. Clearly I will not be flying with this airline again any time soon.

A pirate ship run this way would not have a crew, or at least not a strong effective crew. A half broken ship might still catch the wind, still might be able to tack or jib, or even pull into a port. But not well. Not fast. Not ahead of the fleet. The ship would limp along, and even if the captain was a powerful sailor, the crew would not believe in the strength of the ship or the captain. Why work hard as a crew when the ship is decaying around you?

And what about the reputation of the skipper off the ship? I have visions of laughter on shore as this ship comes into the dock. Why would anyone invest time or energy in a ship run in this way? Why would I ever invest my money in a ticket on this particular airlines?